Sensitivity is a character trait that is essential in marriage, parenting, pastoring, discipling, and even in establishing relationships that will last when tested. Conflicts are inevitable in every relationship including marriage, the family, the workplace, and cross-culturally. However, conflicts can be resolved. We must acquire the tools that will facilitate “conflict resolution”! One of those tools is sensitivity. Here is the definition:
“Sensitivity is the intentional acquisition of knowledge to relate empathetically with another person, especially those who are different.”
Relating at this level means we have learned to “feel” what the other person feels. Reaching this level in a relationship requires gaining knowledge that is often sensitive, intimate, and personal. It can be difficult and awkward to ask about something odd, unusual, weird, or offensive, however, failure to address it will damage or destroy a relationship. All of us have habits or traits that can get on one’s last nerve. How can we deal with another’s nerve-racking bad habit without damaging the relationship?
I used to make an irritating sound that appeared as though I was grinding my teeth together. My wife accused me of doing it whenever certain ladies were near. One day she said, “Honey, help me understand, why do you grind your teeth whenever Susie comes near you?” I was startled by her question but not angry. I wanted to answer her question but could not. Instinctively, I became aware of the fact that I did grind my teeth making a sound with my mouth closed. Once I noticed it, I stopped doing it. What was the secret? A simple sensitive question – “Help me Understand”. Using that question allowed addressing an irritating trait without offense or damage to our relationship due to its sensitivity.
Try it, gain knowledge, and strengthen your relationships!
Shalom Aleichem and Happy Jerusalem Day,
Dr. Raleigh B. Washington DD, MDIV
Dr. Raleigh Washington co-authored “Breaking Down Walls,” a winner of The Gold Medallion Book Award, and is president emeritus of Rock Church and Promise Keepers. Following Mother Theresa and Desmond Tutu, he was awarded Westminster College’s third Doctor of Peacemaking.
